Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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