I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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