I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize