I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
