and you said cock pushups were impossible
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
