her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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