is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
