My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
