it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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