My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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