i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
