His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I will pee on everything he values.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
