Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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