C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
