You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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