Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's always time for handjobs
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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