its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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