1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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