I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
