I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
