Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
