dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
