brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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