Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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