I looked at my own cervix.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
