Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
