he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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