So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
