That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
