the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wear drunk well.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
