My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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