what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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