we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
