you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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