I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
