im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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