I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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