I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
