he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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