My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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