Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
