he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
