What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
