final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
