Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
