My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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