Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
