Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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