He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
