Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
two words...techno handjob
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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