It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
