i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
