did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
