Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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