I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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