i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
