Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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