im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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